Thursday, August 12, 2010


I'm not on call tonight. No one can call and ask me impossible questions, no 3 am driving to the hospital for tiny preemie twins, no setting my alarm in the morning. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I've just been feeling kinda tired.

Tonight, I have time to eat cheesecake, snuggle my dogs, watch TV and catch up on my favorite blogs. So, I just read a post from Michelle Au's The Underwear Drawer, which is hands down my favorite medical blog. She doesn't post as often as she once did, but I still love her blog. I often go back to old posts. They bring me back to the harrowing adventure that is medical training. Today, she listed five books that she would recommend to medical trainees. The two I've read are great, and the other three I'm about to order on Amazon.

The main thing I took from the column was that you can never be too humble. My boss reminded me the other day when I got a little snarky with a colleague. He isn't perfect on the humility front, but he's definitely at least as far ahead as you would think fifteen more years of experience would put him.

He tells me my mistakes when I miss them, and I learn from him and the mistakes. Sometimes it takes more than once. I've been lucky, none of my medical mistakes have caused any permanent harm, as far as I know. That possibility of causing harm is definitely a source of an undercurrent of fear, and abject terror at times.

The humility thing is hard to learn. I was definitely born with my fair share, and have plenty of failure to remind me to be humble. However, to get to this job you have to be successful--at tests and courses, at interviews and procedures. You have to have done a bunch of stuff right. Then you go and train at "the best" places, and it reinforces your unearned confidence.

Anyway, I'm working on it... Realizing I might be on the wrong track earlier and asking for help, because I am far from perfect. The other thing I'm working on is not interrupting people and not being too emotional when I'm tired, hungry or just frustrated. Seems like basic kindergarten stuff, but it's stuff at which I fail.

Well, go Ravens! Hope you're having as relaxing of a night as I am.

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